Sun Islands: Confessions of a Teenage Witch
by Priss88
Summary: This is not Avalon Eden's year. Her sister Penny is killed in a car crash and she has to go live with her father David, who she's barely met and then on top of it off Sirius Black is being really, really annoying! SBOC not angst fest 2005 or a MarySue
1. Chapter 1

**Sun Islands: Confessions of a Teenage Witch Prologue--**

**Prologue-- **

She liked the island. Here time ran in circles without ever getting anywhere; the tides, the summer tourists, the cold weather, the moon-- it all came in cycles but never changed. Closing in to forty she had begun to appreciate that sort of timelessness too early in life.

The other inhabitants of the permanent dwelling section of the beach were senior citizens too and she must have looked ridiculous with them but they really were her people, even if she was the only one who knew it. They toddled to the sheltered coves of the beach to do water aerobics and put pictures of smiling grandchildren on their mantles and except for that, she was one of them. She was certainly as crippled as they were but her pain wasn't of the body, not yet anyway. In another forty years her body would start to show what she could only wait for now, wrinkles would sprout on her brow and her body would begin to stink sincerely of death as it didn't now.

She worked at a local bar and liked it. It was a nice place full of people who knew each other's name. No tourists came here because you couldn't get a dance in a grass skirt and a blended tropical drink but the people who did come were friendly enough for a good chat but not nosey enough to ask questions. That was another thing she had learned to appreciate prematurely.

She had stopped using magic. She kept her wand in her bedside table, where some people keep their firearms, but it was a bad situation indeed that required her to go get it. Magic was too easy for her these days. Magic took the simple, sedating edge off of household chores she liked so much. Magic, she knew, only brought trouble.

But sometimes when the surf was right she slept right on the beach in her sleeping bag, looking up at the stars, trying to get so lost in the vastness of the sky she never came back. Sometimes she stayed underwater until she almost passed out because underwater she could pretend she was anywhere, that when she broke the surface it would be twenty years ago and she'd have a chance to do things differently. Sometimes she saw faces of people she once knew in the crowd so clearly that she stopped, her breath completely still in her lungs.

Sometimes she thought about _him_.

She liked all this about the Island but what she liked most was that it really was an island. No one she knew lived there, nothing was familiar and it took time for news to drift over from other places. She was isolated here and everything that had been so sharp and painful in the harsh English rain was lessened to dull throbs in the Caribbean sun.

Tonight she would sleep in her hammock with the stray cat she had found years ago curled on her chest. Tonight she would listen to old music and dance on the rough planks of her deck. Tonight she would eat her favorite dinner, fall asleep in her favorite dress and use her 'special occasion' bath salts. Tonight she would think about the past and wonder when it all started.

**Chapter 1—In which Ava goes to London**

**Saturday, August, 21st, 4: 9:50 (AM), somewhere over the England, Twix bars consumed: 10 (five if you count the two in the package as one), nervous thoughts about engine failure: 34, people I can hear snoring: 6, hopeful thoughts: none,**

My therapist Maggie Chang says that this journal will help me crystallize my thoughts, work through my pain and keep track of my progress. Maggie Chang says a lot of things like that and I usually never listen. Still Mrs. Evans put this pretty blue leather bound book in my hand just as she hugged me goodbye this morning in the airport and it seems an awful shame not to use it. Besides, Maggie Chang might be right this time, she is after all the one with a Ph.D. in how I feel and it's not like I've got anything better to try right?

So here goes: Today is the forty first day since my mom's car spun out on a wet road and across the double yellow line, the fortieth since my sister Penny died in the hospital and the thirtieth since her funeral. Today is also the second full moon this month, my seventeenth birthday and the day King George the III proclaimed the colonies to be in rebellion in 1775. And the day I fly to London to live with my father.

That is so cold of me to write that in that manner, cramming Penny's death in with a bunch of other random facts, but it's the only way to get it out these days. Also it is a pretty important day for me I think, even if seventeen is a classically ignored birthday and even more neglected than it would have been if all this other stuff hadn't been happening. In fact this journal is my sole birthday present so far. Even Lily forgot in all the uproar and she never forgets anything.

Maybe I should take a leaf from his book, King George's I mean and at least just come to terms with reality, if I can like or accept it yet. So far all I've really done to morn is lie on Mrs. Evans couch in a stupor and let Lily worry herself into a frenzy over me. It's been over a month and the only thing I've done with regularity is visit mom in the hospital but even then all I do is sit in the one chair in her room and listen to her cry. I felt all right around the time of the funeral, the activity did me good even if the relatives and comfort food did not, but I've sunk back a little bit since then.

Maggie Chang says that I'm coping with the pain well but she's subscribed me so many drugs I can't believe her. I mostly flush those down the toilet, they just make me feel like I can't use my limbs properly. Lily says I'm very brave and so does Mrs. Evans but what is so brave about just surviving Penny's death I'm not sure.

No, that's not right, I feel very brave. I've had to do all the adult things mom would have done if she hadn't been in the hospital. It was me who had to go the morgue to identify her body, me who had to pick out coffins and flowers and call all the relatives. I didn't even cry during the funeral, only screamed a little bit and ran out when the priest started saying all this phony stuff about Penny being happy with God. Penny would have hated that. She loved life; she wouldn't have wanted to leave, not for all the Gods in the world.

Also I think it is brave of me to be changing cities. Mr. and Mrs. Evans said I could stay with them while mom's in the hospital (which the doctors say could be indefinitely) if I wanted but I couldn't impose. I feel bad about imposing on David (my father) too but he's a fancy lawyer so he can afford it and I have made a promise to myself that I won't be any sort of problem for him. Which I guess is just one more reason for me to stop sulking. Still, sulking is something of a habit now and very hard to break.

I must think of King George and be strong.

Today I declare my colonies in open rebellion.

**Tuesday, August, 24th, 2:40(PM), David's posh apartment in London, sentences passed between David and me: 1 and 1/2, nice things Karen (David's American girlfriend) has said about my looks/clothes/intelligence: 29, nice things I've said back in a sincere, sweet way: 0, nice things I've said back in a tired, half-hearted way: 3, **

Today I feel tired. Maggie Chang says I should start off every journal entry with a statement of how I feel and as long as I'm taking her advice I might as well take all of it.

Vow about forsaking sulkage proving difficult to keep. I have started eight different letters to Lily and had the energy to finish none of them. I feel terrible for Karen and David, really I do. Not only do they have to put up with a sulky teenager moping around their house for another eight days but they're both muggles and Karen didn't even know of the existence of magic until David told her two weeks ago when it was finalized I was coming to live with them.

They are taking it, especially Karen, remarkably well. She didn't even flinch when the owl post arrived this morning with my Hogwarts letter. Well she flinched but and gave a little shout of surprise but made a valiant effort towards calming down when I explained that it was normal. "This is how...how people like me send mail." I told her shyly, taking the letter from the owl and giving him the rest of my bacon as thanks.

"Witches and wizards you mean?" She said, almost defiantly.

I liked her style in that moment. I liked how she took my temporization and just charged right into the thick of what must be a very tender issue for her. "Yeah," I said, "this is my school supply list. They send these every year so I know which books and supplies to get."

"May I see it please Ava?" She asked and took it gingerly. She stared at it for about five minutes in silence and then finally said with not a little bit of humor, "well I'm not sure exactly where we'll get frogspawn or a dragonshide gloves but we'll manage somehow."

More points, big points for Karen, I thought.

She really is perfect for David. He's very quiet, not at all sure of himself, but also a nice guy I think. He treats Karen with enormous tenderness and she seems to be the bridge between him and the rest of the world. I wonder how long they've been together, it seems like it must be since the dawn of the time the way they get out but he and mom divorced when I was about six months old so it can be longer than sixteen years. She's brave too in her own has-enough-shoes-to-give-Imelda-Marcos-a run-for-her-money way.

I shrugged. "I know where it is. I can go tomorrow."

Karen looked slightly hurt. "Oh, okay." She said. "Do you think three hundred pounds would be enough?" That's like six times what I usually spend.

I gaped at her.

Karen blushed, "I could run to the bank tomorrow if it's not enough, no problem."

I shook my head. "No, I don't need that much really Karen." I said.

"Oh right." She said and we lapsed into silence.

I felt like somehow I had slighted or hurt her and it took me like half an hour of silence to figure out what it could have possibly been. "Hey Karen you know you're invited to come to Diagon Alley with me if you want right?" I said finally.

She perked up instantly. "Really? I mean I don't want to tag along if you want to go alone. I mean I remember when I was a teenager I hated it when the old folks tried to come with me and my friends..." She trailed off into a pleading look.

"No it's okay if you want to come." I said. "Honestly."

So there's something I'll eventually have to do, which is a good thing. I think.

**Later, my room in David's house,**

Today I feel homesick.

Letter from Lily:

_Dear Ava, _

_I miss you so much. I promised myself I wouldn't say that as you must be pretty tired to emotional stuff but every time I think about everything between us, all the space and countryside instead of just a few houses, I feel like my knees are just going to fall through. I gave Merlin a big hug before I gave him the letter, maybe you could do that now and it would be like a trans-England hug. What is David like? What is London like? How are you feeling? Mom is wigging out that you won't be getting enough comfort food and I want to ask you a thousand questions but I wont. I know you want to hear what's happening over here so here it is: nothing. Krissy and Kevin broke up again, Todd almost asked Allison Cooper out again and Will got stupid drunk and jumped off the roof of his house...again. But you'll hear about all that at school. I miss you so much, there now I've broken my promise twice._

_I love you, I love you, I love you, _

_Lily_

_P.S. Will isn't permanently maimed_

Letter to Lily:

_Dear Lily,_

_I miss you so much. I gave Merlin a hug and a big kiss on top of his head so you can rub you cheek there if you want. David is very quiet but nice and he and his girlfriend Karen are really doing all they can to make me feel comfortable. I went into David's office yesterday looking for a rubber band and found a couple of my school pictures framed on his desk. It was weird, I didn't even know mom sent him my school pictures, much like that he would frame them. I can't say how England is because I really only walked through the train station so far, which we do every year anyway. I'll tell you more when I know more. I am fine (but as you would say that always stands for Fucked-up Insecure Neurotic and Emotional). I wake up in the morning and I don't know where I am. It takes me a few moments to remember how I got here and then it's like I'm hearing it all over again. Tell your mom that I'm getting enough food and thanks for the update, I just wish I had something interesting to tell you. _

_I love you back times six, _

_Ava_

_P.S. How's mom doing?_

**Friday, August, 27th, 9:12(PM), my room in David's house, new robes: 11, new books: 6, new shoes: 5, pounds of chocolate consumed: countless, pounds sterling spent: more than I want to think about, Karen's happiness (as a percent of one hundred): 99, **

Today I feel shopped out.

The shopping had to be postponed until today because things kept coming up. First there was a crisis at Karen's work and then I fell into a bout of moping and couldn't be torn away from the party sized bags of crisps and Dawson's Creek marathon and...well let's just say that it got postponed. But what our shopping date lacked in punctuality it made up in sheer magnitude.

It took ten shopping bags to get all our purchases back. Ten shopping bags! I could pretend to be horrified but it would really be a lie. I am almost as pleased as Karen with my new purchases. Karen might not be a witch in the sense that I am but she definitely has some magic where shopping is concerned. She managed to find me robes that look great on me, no small order as I've lost weight recently and haven't washed my hair in about three days.

Karen was at her most impressive today and not only with the shopping. When I pointed the dingy entrance of the Leaky Cauldron out to her (she had completely missed it though it was hugely conspicuous between the two super stores) she didn't pause. Nor did she flinch when the brick wall opened itself onto Diagon Alley and the bustle of people in black robes, which she moved through in her stylish pale pink sundress like she absolutely belonged there. I had worn muggle clothes in solidarity with her and despite the fact I was prepared for the wizarding world I felt self-conscious about my appearance.

I wish I could think of a way to thank her for how great she's being. And she's very careful to come across as a friend to me, not a surrogate mother, which I also appreciate. She asked me if I had a boyfriend and about all my friends back in the Liverpool and really listened to what I said. And when she ordered wine with her lunch she asked if I wanted some too. "I obviously can't break any of David's rules," she said when I gaped at her, "but he hasn't stated a ban on alcohol yet so it's fine with me if you would like a glass." She paused then and said very lightly, but very meaningfully, "I don't make the rules where you're concerned."

I could have hugged her then if I didn't feel like crying for some reason at the sweet understanding. She reminded me so much of Lily, who always knew just how to make me feel comfortable, just then I had to wolf down some salad and water before I could speak properly.

After we had bought robes and shoes Karen and I decided to split up. She very graciously offered to get my new books and potion supplies while I walked up farther to get a replacement pet for my cat Allison, who had met a feral tomcat in the woods by my uncle's house in Wales when we visited last Christmas and had never come back to me.

I suppose I can't blame Allison, who had been left by the side of the road as a kitten and spent in her formative years raised by the vegan hippie two doors down from us before she came to me, for going a little crazy when she countryside for the first time. She must have known something was missing all those years of peeing where we decided, and eating dry little kernels or patties of blended fish guts if mom or I remembered to get them from the store. But still, she was on my mind as I made my way up to the pet store and it made me a little sad as I pushed the door open, knowing that I was in effect replacing her.

Inside the pet store however was wonderful. It had that hamster smell but in a good way and I was the only one in the shop, even the owner was in the back, so I didn't feel guilty about opening the cages and sticking my fingers in. The kittens were wonderful, soft little fluffs just barely separated from their mother but sighing I forsook them too. I saw mini Allisons in all of them, discontented with their cages and aching to get out.

I knew that only owls, cats or toads would be acceptable but I found that I didn't head to the amphibian section of the shop right away, but instead to the exotic section. There were a few baby sphinxes lounging lazily, one or two pixies and even a baby unicorn. I had a box of cracker jacks in my backpack and I managed to tempt the unicorn over with a handful or two.

I was still feeding him when the door opened, the bell jingling merrily. My new friend skittered to the back of his pen at the unexpected noise. I turned with annoyance to see who it was and was able to make out through a wall of fish tanks three shapes but not who they were. "...should have seen the look on Mrs. Potter's face when she found out it was James all along. It was priceless! So worth him being grounded." One was saying.

_Oh good lord,_ I thought.

Of course I knew that voice. Everyone in the bloody school knew that voice.

Though if I ever voiced this opinion aloud I would probably be shunned from female society for the rest of my life, I do not find Sirius Black attractive. Yes, he is handsome with his black hair that's casual and sexy, his eyes that are blue like you usually only see in Technicolor Bing Crosby movies and how he's tall and broad. But that's just it; I don't like him because he is so sexy. I don't like how women seem to bend around him so that everything done in his presence is done for his benefit. Voices get louder, old stories of funny, funky things are brought up and spread grotesquely for his perusal, and hair gets tossed. It makes me want to be mean to him just so he knows that not everyone turns into a bimbo for him.

"That's not very funny." Remus said but he looked amused. Peter just laughed dotingly.

Sirius moved toward the terrarium that housed the newborn puppies. He leaned in and grabbed one, lifting it high above it's peers onto the tile floor. "Oh for the love or Merlin," Remus sighed as his darker haired companion began to roll completely unabashedly around on the floor with the puppy, "I can't believe we come up here every time for this."

"Oh shove it Remus, we can hunt you up a nice vicious wolf after this if you want." His friend shot back.

I dumped my cracker jacks into the unicorn's trough and moved back toward the amphibian section. Unfortunately I had to cut right in front of them to do this. They had clearly thought they were alone in the shop but I moved quickly past without talking to or looking at them.

They watched me watch the frogs in the tank for a few minutes in silence before anyone spoke. "Why are you dressed like a muggle?" Sirius asked.

I didn't feel like explaining anything so complicated as my relationship to Karen and how I wanted to make her comfortable, especially not to someone like him. "Because I don't have enough rude questions in my life." I snapped back.

Maggie Chang says that I am a very confrontational person deep down. She says that I antagonize people on purpose when I'm sad or scared, just like how I used to work magic before I knew how to control it, except now it's the magic of pissing people off. This, of course, is ludicrous! I have been shy my whole life! But moments like this make me wonder.

"Sirius..." Remus said in a half pleading, half warning way.

But Sirius wasn't looking at the puppy anymore he was looking at me. Had he recognized me before I spoke? I'm not sure but if he hadn't I'm not sure how sarcasm made me more recognizable. Lily was always the one who was saying snappy clever things to him or James, I was the shy little tag along. But things are different now. I have less patience with life, I want more things now and I'm sick of people like Sirius and James just dismissing me.

"You're Avalon Eden aren't you." He said, "Lily Evan's friend." He said friend but he meant sidekick.

"You're Sirius black aren't you." I said. "James Potter's friend." And I said it like he had to make sure he knew I knew he knew I knew ect.

"So what brings you to the pet shop?" Remus asked conversationally, trying to ignore the dynamic rapidly developing between Sirius and I.

I shrugged. "My cat ran away. I need a new pet." I explained. "Have any suggestions?" I quite like Remus actually, though his taste in friends is almost tragic.

I looked pointedly at Remus when I asked but it was Sirius who answered. "Why not just get another cat? Or an owl like everyone else?" He seemed like he was enjoying himself now, trying to dig in and irk me as much as he could, and that in itself irked me the most.

I forced a smile that probably looked more like a grimace (one outburst was enough for today) and grabbed one of the toads with the little net leaning against the side. He seemed surprised to be lifted out of his home and plunked into one of the sterile little ready-made mini homes next to the display. I felt bad for him but determined as I marched up to the counter and rung the bell to call the owner from the back. "Yes, sorry, how much is this?" I asked.

"Ten galleons including the tank and a starter care kit."

I extracted the proper amount and laid it on the counter. "Does he already have a name or anything?" I asked. The man shook his head and handed me a box labeled _The Deluxe Toad Starter Kit for Beginners_. The toad croaked wetly in his new home.

"Nice to see you Remus." And turned for the door, caring my perplexed new pet with me.

If David or Karen found my choice of pet odd they didn't say anything as I settled him into my room and I didn't mention what had happened while we were parted.

**Sunday, August, 29th, 11:11(PM), my room in David's house, ideas for names for my toad: 4,**

Today I feel listless.

Possible names for my toad:

1) Kermit (no way, too cliché)

2) James Potter (Lily's suggestion)

3) Sirius Black (my counter suggestion)

4) Professor Moriarty (he kind of looks like the type)

Also:

Letter from Maggie Chang (enclosed in my huge box of drugs for the month):

_Ava,_

_When you wrote to tell me you're keeping a journal I was thrilled. You really are making enormous headway!_

_Maggie Chang_

Author's note: Do something nice for someone else and write me a nice long review.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: ANYTHING YOU RECOGNIZE I DON'T OWN**

**  
Chapter 2 (Ava and the Island)—In which Ava Finds Out**

Ava woke up staring at the empty wine bottle and feeling its effects sharply in her head. The sun seemed extra bright in her eyes this morning and hot too. The cat was mewing pitifully and occasionally batting at her hand, which was slung drunkenly out the side of the hammock. She pulled it back and whipped the little sweat mustache that had formed above her lip. She sat up and checked her watch. "Fuck." She said aloud but it caught in her dry mouth and came out half strangled.

She swung her legs over the side and went inside She grabbed a handful of cereal from her cabinet and stuff it into her mouth, washing it down with a swig of pineapple juice. Some of it spilled out and the cat sniffed it interestedly. "People food I'm afraid." She said, snatching the tin of cat food from the fridge and hastily scooping it out into a dish.

She stripped off her dress and stashed it on top of the fridge (one of the few places the cat couldn't get to sharpen her claws on the fabric). Fifteen minutes later she was banging out the door. Her hair was wet from the shower and her shoes weren't tied but she unlocked her bike from her fence and peddled hard.

"I'm sorry I'm late Nita." She sang to her friend as she pulled up to her house and locked her bike up.

Nita Nelson had lived in the town of Puerto Plata for her whole life. She was also the only true creature of this strange, circular dimension Ava had ever met. "It's fine." Nita said, rising from her seat on the porch. "The Lord will wait."

Nita was older, beautiful and healthy in her age, with light blue eyes. She wasn't a witch but she had her own kind of magic as powerful as any spell. It was a more stable, more complete magic than most kinds, very tied to the land and less dangerous than Ava's kind.

She had told Nita about her past, one night when they'd had some wine and sat out on the porch past dusk. In the dark she could confess things she never could in daylight and it had come tumbling out her mouth like a reeling drunk out of a bar. She hadn't even bothered to weave her way carefully around the backdrop, simply revealing magic as a fact along with her other revelation.

Nita never flinched, never uttered a disbelieving word. She'd seen and known too much to doubt.

Ava wasn't a religious person, she wasn't sure she even believed in God but she believed in Nita enough to accompany her to church every Sunday morning. Besides it was nice to sit in the cool guts of the church and listen to the music and the sermon. The rise and fall of the preacher's voice was soothing, like the way the movement of waves are. She could just close her eyes and relax to it.

She swung her wet hair as she went, humming songs to herself.

After church had finished Nita made her a sandwich and they talked about nothing at all. They had sweet mangos from the market for desert, so ripe they seemed to come apart in their mouths and just run down their throats.

When she'd finished her sandwich she left for her other friend's house. Andrea was the only other young person on Ava's strip of the beach. Like her friend Andrea had drunk too deeply from life too young and understood where she belonged now on these sandy shores.

She said, every once in a while, that when Tyler was older she'd move back to Los Angeles, where she was originally from (and where Tyler's father lived now). But Tyler was past seven now and she had yet to pack a single box.

Andrea didn't like Nita the way Ava did. Andrea hadn't excepted what had happened the way she had. Andrea still had some kick, some bitterness with life unresolved. She hated the circular life as Tyler used to hate his training-wheels, but she knew that she still needed it.

Tyler was sitting on the couch playing with some action figures when she came in. He smiled at her when she opened the door. "Mommy's cooking." He told her.

She came and sat on the couch with him. He had a shark and a mermaid battling each other. The shark was winning. "What is she cooking?"

"It's my eight birthday in 41 days." He told her proudly, instead of an answer.

"You don't say." She said, in mock surprise (as if it weren't marked on her calendar in big, red letters so she wouldn't forget). "Wow. Eight? Really? That's an important age, no doubt about it."

"What are you going to get me?" He asked.

She considered. "Well I obviously can't tell you can I."

He told her he hoped it was one of the newest toys on the market, exactly the toy she had stashed under her bed just at that moment, waiting to be wrapped and presented to him. She prided herself on being a cool aunt and was much gratified to hear her choice confirmed.

She shook her head. "I'd never get you that." She said.

"Why not auntie!' He demanded.

"You haven't been a good enough boy this year to deserve it!" She said.

"Oh I have too!" He said. "I take out the trash every day and I help mom with the dishes and I clean up my room and…and I'll do it more next year I promise!" He said.

She giggled. "I'll think about it then."

In the kitchen Andrea was humming as she chopped potatoes and she wasn't smoking either. She was in such a good mood the air around her in a glow.

"Was Tyler begging you for a birthday present?" Andrea asked. She had grown up very spoiled and was anxious to see that Tyler didn't do the same.

"No." Ava lied.

She picked up a knife and began to smash and chop the garlic. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Andrea shake her loose red curls and for just a second, oh for one, terrible, heart-lurching moment, she looked like another redhead from so many years ago. Her heart, long shriveled and dormant in her chest, beat one painful beat and then ached for a while.

Years ago her heart had been tied to many people in warm, thick ropes that some sunny days she could almost feel sprouting from her chest. Today though the only one left was a guilty, blackened string she hated and hid from the world. It had burned when the heart on the other end had and spread the fire to her own heart. She could never bring herself to sever it completely but neither could she let it regrow properly. It was like a scab she picked at so it never healed.

The steam of the soup they were making rose in and bloomed in the kitchen, finally seeping under the door and enticing Tyler in from his playthings to beg for tastes. He smiled up at her, dimples all over the place, and her newly throbbing hearted melted. She wanted to hug Tyler to her until some of the good, unjaded portions of him would stick to her.

"Are you coming to the bar tonight?" She asked Andrea.

"Sure." She said.

Andrea never had a problem finding baby sitters for Tyler. He was a sweet, unassuming kid and there were ten thousand grandmother's just to coddle him as they couldn't coddle their own grandchildren who were away in their own countries.

"Can Auntie come watch Teen Titans with me in the living room?" Tyler asked as the time when his favorite show was aired.

"If Aunite wants to she may." Andrea said absent-mindedly.

"Sure." She agreed.

They turned the TV on early, before the show came on, to assure that they missed none of it. A news report was just finishing as they turned on the set and settled themselves on the couch. She mimed throwing up to him as the financial news was presented and he giggled.

"And now a word on the news abroad." The anchorman said. "There has been a break out at a high security prison in England." Ava's head snapped to attention at the mention of her home country and her heart skipped a beat. On the TV was a face she hadn't seen in years. "Sirius Black was incarcerated thirteen years ago for the murder of thirteen people…" The anchorman said but Ava heard no more.

She was staring slack jawed at the television. Her heart was thundering in her ears. How had she not known? How had she not felt the tugging on the other end of her heartstring? How could she not know for long?

Her mind was spinning like a wind-up toy lifted into the air. "Lily," She whispered to the air, "oh God help me Lily."

**Chapter 3—In which Ava Goes to Hogwarts**

**Monday, September, 1st, 4:59 (PM), compartment 7 on the Hogwart's Express, chocolate frogs consumed: 8, cauldron cakes consumed: 2, disgusting Bertie Bot's beans: 3 (two sardines and a grass), incidents: 2, **

Today I feel excited.

Today was the most unusual trip I've ever had on the Hogwart's Express. Between my friends all trying to force themselves to naturally talk around the subject of Penny and mom, worrying about the open lid on my new pet's container with all the cats about, crowing over Lily's promotion to Head Girl, all the talk about the upset at the Quidditch World Cup and recent serial killing of muggles there was hardly a dull moment.

There were of course usual things about this journey: the traditional pre-term Lily/James verbal sparring match, the sickly bloated feeling like my stomach was full of things that were very, very bad for me (which it actually was) and then patrolling the hallways looking for lost first years, bullying sixth years and sixth years bullying lost first years (one of the many "fun perks" about being prefects).

I actually started the Lily and James at each other this year (is this like cutting the red ribbon on meanness for the term?). James, Lily, Remus and I were all patrolling the corridor together when James turns to me and said, in a mock friendly tone, "I hear you got a new toad. What did you name him?"

"Sirius Black." I said snottily.

James laughed. "I'm glad dear Sirius hasn't lost his touch with the ladies."

"Oh is that where you learned your manners James?" Lily cut in, "from Black? That explains a lot."

"Why Lily I didn't know you'd noticed my manners." He said, brushing his hair back from his face and smirking.

"Oh why don't you go soak your fat head Potter?"

"Ladies first."

And they were off.

I suppose I shouldn't have said that about my poor toad. I would never name such an innocent creature, who hardly does anything at all, much less anything to deserve that, after that wretch! Speaking of him, I saw him today too. He came into the prefect's cabin where I'd gone to get away from Lily and James' fight and enjoy the quiet as everyone else was out on patrol. The doors were sealed magically to only let people with prefect badges on but he had on James' head boy badge (not exactly head boy behavior, lending it out to his friends I mean, if you ask me).

"You're not supposed to be in here Black." I said.

"What are you going to do Eden, tell on me?" He teased. "Besides, I just came in here to see my namesake." He was tall enough so he didn't have to get up onto the seat like I do to peer into the luggage rack where my toad was situated.

"He isn't your namesake." I protested. "And how did you find that out?" I asked though a second later.

"At the decibel you were shouting at half of England knows what you were saying." Which is totally code for James told him.

"Don't touch him Sirius!" I said getting up on my seat and pulling the tank toward me. The water in it sloshed around with the movement and the toad croaked and jumped in surprise but he had misjudged where the end of the tank was and hit it with a hard "thunk," landed on his back. He kicked pathetically but couldn't seem to right himself.

"See, now look what you've done." He said.

"Well if you hadn't been here it wouldn't have happened." I exclaimed. "Now flip him back over."

"I would but you told me not to touch him."

"Well I'm telling you to flip him back over."

"Why don't you do it?"

"Because it wasn't my fault. Now do it." I said.

This wasn't true. My grandmother used to tell me that toads give you warts and wouldn't let me touch them so picking them up feels like it's against the rules, like how even if there's no one in the room I won't put my feet up on the couch because that was drilled into my brain too. Besides I don't like the idea of it being all slimy and rough in my hand as I imagine they are.

"I'll do it if you promise I can play with him whenever I want." Sirius said.

"Okay." I promised. "Now just do it."

Sirius didn't flip the toad over, he picked up out of his cage, dripping water, and held him high. I backed away from in case he decided to throw my pet on me but he seemed content to hold the poor thing. I sat back in my seat and stared out the window, trying not to look at my guest or pet.

"So do you go by Ava or Avalon?" He asked.

I didn't say anything.

"Well don't strain yourself being too friendly or anything Ice Princess."

I stared out the window harder.

"You should probably go patrol the corridors. Maybe go right some wrongs?"

I clenched my fists.

"Want to pet little Sirius?" He moved the toad so it was right near my face.

Involuntarily I moved my head closer to the glass.

"Oh so you are scared of toads!" He crowed.

I scrambled back onto my chair to get away from the toad and Sirius. "Put my toad back in its cage right now!" I shouted, pointing imperiously at the tank. "I'm leaving now and so are you!"

He laughed. "Why don't you make me?" And he stood up to show me how much taller than me he was. But he also put my toad down on the seat (a big mistake).

I smirked at him and ripped the head boy badge off his chest. Instantly he was pulled backward out of the doors and thrown into the hall. "I'll return this to James for you." I said, standing inside the open door.

He laughed at me from where he had landed against the opposite door. I thought he was showing real maturity by laughing at his own misfortune but he said as he stood, "did you even think of how you're going to get little Sirius back into his cage?" And then he just LEFT me there and swaggered off down the corridor like he was Cesar crossing the bloody Rubicon! What a jerk!

"Yes." I lied aloud when he'd gone.

I was actually trying to levitate him back into his cage with my wand (but he was dodging the spells) when James knocked on the door. "Can I have my badge back?" He asked me. He leaned lazily against the doorframe with an elbow cocked above his hand, not quite in it of course because the spell wouldn't allow that, but as close as he could get.

"What badge would that be James?" I asked.

"My head boy badge."

"You mean the one that you leant to your bratty little friend so he could come in here and harass me, which is by the way, against the rules. You mean that one?" I asked.

James seemed unfazed. "Yeah, that one."

I threw it at him, meaning to hit his head but he caught it easily. I guess I forgot he plays Quidditch, a freaking miracle considering how much to-do everyone makes over him. "Want some help?" He asked when he saw what I was trying to do.

That caught me off guard. "Er...yeah." I agreed.

"Okay." He picked up the toad easily and put him back into his tank. "There you go little buddy."

I sat where I had before and James sat across from me, looking out the window and humming to himself. I had anticipated antagonism, wanted it even and now James was being so nice to me and I could barely handle it. I pushed my skirt down over my knees and swished my hair. "Um...thanks." I said after a very long time.

"Don't mention it." James said with a very winning smile.

"So...how's Qudditch?" I asked.

"Fine," he said. There was a long moment of silence and then James spoke again. "Listen, Avalon, I want to tell you something. I heard what happened to your sister and I'm so sad for you. I didn't ever have siblings but I couldn't even imagine loosing Sirius or Remus."

I gritted my teeth. This was the worst part of Penny's death: running into her in unexpected places. Because Penny was a muggle not many people at Hogwarts even knew I had a sister and I was looking forward to being treated normal again. But here she was again. If I had time to brace myself it wasn't so bad but then things like this happened too and my control just took a nosedive. "Thanks." I ground out, angry that James knew but somehow not angry at him because he was being so sweet.

"I know you don't want the rest of the school to know and I'll respect that but Sirius doesn't know and I wanted to offer you the opportunity to get him off your case. I can make him stop bothering you without telling him...what happened. All you have to do is say something." He was looking right at me and it was so sweet and nice it made me want to run away. I looked out the window and thought about it.

After more than a month of people tip-toeing around me it was actually a relief for someone to be unabashedly rude to me for a change. People wouldn't fight with me anymore, even if I was completely unreasonable they just cringed and did what I wanted. "No," I said, turning back to James with only two tears on my cheeks and no more coming, "it's nice to have someone to fight with."

He laughed. "I thought you might be enjoying yourself."

I don't know what I felt for James right then but it wasn't bad, in fact it was everything the opposite of bad. I felt grateful and friendly and like I wanted to do something for him that was as wonderful as he had just done for me. And it was only made sharper by the sadness for Penny mixed in with it. I wanted to tell him all about Penny, about how wonderful she was but all I got out was, "thank you."

Luckily James had the tact to make a smooth change into a very funny story about finding his mother's magical make-up when he was a kid. When Lily got back from her patrol half an hour later James and I were eating our way through the snacks we'd bought from the trolley and laughing like old friends.

We froze like guilty children with our hands in the cookie jar. "Hi Lily." I said in an unusually high voice.

"Hi Ava." She said. She glared at James.

"Right," he sighed, "this seat is open. I should go on patrol again. See you later Ava."

"What exactly was that all about?" She asked when the door shut behind him.

I sighed. "He knows about Penny."

Lily stood abruptly. "That...that...that..." Lily splutter, unable to think of something bad enough.

"No it's okay. I don't care. He was great about it. He just wanted to offer to get Sirius off my case without telling him about it." I said. Lily seemed to take this much as I had. She sat down and her brow furrowed in confusion. She either didn't like or couldn't' believe that James had done something so right and so nice. "And then he was really funny and nice to me for like a whole half hour. And not even in a terrible, phony way like he was just trying to be nice because of Penny."

Lily shrugged finally, "maybe he's grown up." She gave me a big hug, "if you like him, he's worth giving another shot."

**Friday, September, 5th, 6:41 (PM), Girl's Dormitory, classes with Krissy/Kevin: 1, classes with Todd: 3, classes with Will: 2, level of insanity anticipated this year: 4/6 or 66.666,**

Today I feel overwhelmed.

My classes are as follows:

9:00-10:00 Transfiguration (NEWT level with Lily and Todd)

10:00-11:00 Potions (NEWT level with Lily)

11:00-12:00 Herbology (NEWT level with Todd)

12:00-1:00 Lunch

1:00-2:00 Charms (NEWT level with Lily)

2:00-3:00 Defense against the Dark Arts (Regular level with Krissy/Kevin, Will and Todd)

3:00-4:00 Care of Magical Creatures (with Will)

Unlike Lily I do not hope to be an auror when I get out of Hogwarts because, as you can see, I'm pretty shit at defense against the dark arts. All my hexes and jinxes go all backward when I try them. I've always been much better at healing magic so I think I'll become a doctor at Saint Mungo's. That way if Lily gets her head blown off I can put it back together again.

The amount of homework I am receiving is insane. At least an hour from every NEWT class! I'm just glad I took a slacker class like care of magical creatures for my extra this year instead of something like Arithmancy. I feel like I am slipping slowly down into insanity under the pressure.

Note from James:

JP: It might interest you to know that you're Sirius' new favorite pass time. It makes me want to kick him the way he moons over every nasty, abusive thing you've said to each other all week. My own best friend is a glutton for punishment, who knew?

This was not interesting to me because I already knew it. Sirius and I had been going at each other like cats and dogs all weeks with gusto. He couldn't not being enjoying himself the way he's picking fights with me.

AE: Don't look at me. I don't get it either.

JP: Liar

He's was right of course. Sirius and I have our teasing each other down to this practiced, elaborate dance. We hold off in Transfiguration, brushing as close as we dare to civility and pretending like we're going to make it through the day without indulging in a fight. In potions it heats up a little, still subtle, could-be-taken-either-way little digs, teasing each other like it's foreplay. During Herbology and Lunch we have time to warm up, to think up nasty things to say and in Charms it spikes in one big fun row. When it's good it's the best part of my day really.

I sort of see why Lily keeps fighting with James.

AE: I don't know what you're talking about

JP: Come visit me after Quidditch practice. I want to ask you something

I bet it has to do with Lily

AE: Sure thing

Quidditch practice ends at seven so I'd better get a move on. More later.

**Later, Girl's Dormitory**

I got to the pitch in time for the end of practice pep talk. We're favorites for the cup this year and it was practically palpable tonight. James came to me when the huddle broke up. "Can you give me fifteen to get a shower?" He asked.

"Sure." I agreed. He was sweating pretty heavily despite the cooling night air.

There is something handsome about James I suppose, though I never saw it before tonight. His hair is messy and he's got glasses and he's thin, like a seeker should be, but he is handsome somehow. What is it? Maybe the way he swaggars or the way he always looks you directly in the eye or maybe I'm just imagining it because I like him so much after what he said on the train.

I wonder if Lily has noticed this. I wonder if Lily will ever see James as anything more than the little boy she hated in first year. I doubt it, Lily is slow to anger but by the same virtue (I think) she is slow to forgive too. It would take a bloody miracle for her to forgive James.

James came out about ten minutes later with his hair dripping and his shoes untied but cleaner than he went in. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked. "You'd better make it quick or we'll miss dinner."

He shrugged a shoulder to indicate the rucksack sitting on it. "I brought dinner with me. This is going to take a while. I hope anyway."

After careful deliberation we decided to eat on the very top of the teacher's stands. Like all the other stands it was locked when there weren't games being played, but James produced the key from his pocket like it was the most natural thing in the world. Inside his rucksack there was some cold pasta, a bag of crisps, three big bars of chocolate and a mug of butterbeer. By the way James distributed this fare I rather got the feeling I was being bribed.

I made it through the pasta on cheerful and meaningless banter but when he handed me two of the bars of chocolate I couldn't wait any longer. "All right James what exactly do you want from me? Don't tell me you've given up on Lily and now want _me_ to go to Hogsmead with you next weekend!"

James thought about that for a long, long time. He seemed to be considering how blunt to be or how best to phrase his next sentence. "You've known Lily for years and you two seem to have a very ideal friendship. You certainly seem to know how to handle her much better than I can." He said slowly. "And while Sirius and Remus and Peter are all very good friends and plenty willing to give me their advice on girls I want to ask your advice about how I could get on Lily's good side." He paused. "Please."

I had expected this is what he wanted to ask me and had prepared to tell him what I've said early about Lily's temper but looking at him I couldn't bring myself to do it. James really believes he is in love with Lily, hell he might actually be, and it would have been down right unforgivable for me to refuse him and then call him my friend. "I'll have to think about it James. I can promise I'll do everything I can but I can only do so much." I offered.

"Honestly?" There was very little light coming from the sinking sun now but his eyes seemed to gleam in the scrap that was left.

"Sure."

We finished our dinner slowly and by the time we were really through the sun had slipped down below the horizon properly and the only thing we were seeing by were our wands, which we wedged into the stands. It was so romantic I rather thought it was a shame we weren't in love with each other.

AN: Dear readers: Thank you for reading and reviewing the last chapter and I hope you aren't disappointed with where I decided to go with this one. As for the ending let's just say this: it won't be on the par with a Greek tragedy but how happy can any story with Sirius in it end? Also note that this story ignores the fifth book (as it was conceived before it came out) and the even chapters are set the summer after the second and during the third books.

Also: Reviews only speed my writing.


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